Monday, October 29, 2012

The Importance of Relationships

Would You Like Some Water?A Mother’s Proverbs About Relationships

In Honor of Mildred Lee Burney Booth

Mildred Lee Burney Booth


My mother, Mildred Lee Burney Booth, once said that you never miss your water until your well runs dry. During the past weeks I’ve thought a lot about this statement. I have literally had a lot of problems with my well. It’s been low. I have had problems with the pump. I’ve replaced the filter system. I have had the plumber over at least three times. Throughout this trying experience, my mother’s proverb haunted me and I found myself constantly quoting her: “You know you never miss your water until your well runs dry.”

Mom seemed to love using proverbs about water. She would remind us “treat everybody right, because you don’t know who’s going to give you your last drink of water.” Whenever something bad happened to a person who treated people wrong, she would always say: “Well, you never miss your water until your well runs dry.” For people who were stubborn and hard-headed she would remark that to give them advice is “like pouring water on a duck’s back.”

Water was a powerful metaphor for her. I believe it was so potent because of her farm background. She grew up in eastern North Carolina on a share-cropping farm. Her large black hands harvested lots of tobacco, cotton, berries and all types of vegetables. I am sure she remembered being out in the middle of a field on a hot day without water close by.

She probably remembered the extremely dry spells when their well was low or dry. Certainly their neighbors experienced the problem at least once. I can hear my grandparents quoting the proverb when they heard about a neighbor’s well going dry: “Well, you know what they say, ‘You never miss your water until your well runs dry.’ Sho’nough.”

She also grew up during the segregation era. Basic accommodations were rare for blacks. She was not able to stop at a lunch counter for a cool drink on a hot day. Surely there weren’t a lot of fountains for ‘colored’. On a hot day when she was walking from a friend’s house she would stop and ask for a drink of water from a colored neighbor. That neighbor might not know her personally, but knew her parents-George and Harriet.

Just thinking about her background, I appreciate why water was such a prominent metaphor. She understood what it meant to be really thirsty and not to be able to have that thirst easily quenched. She understood what it meant to ask a stranger for a glass of water.

What amazes me is that Mom never used the water proverbs literally. She never used them when getting a drink. They were always used in the context of relationship. Somehow she equated the value of having water when insatiably thirsty to the value of good friendships. She knew how important it was not to bankrupt one’s relationships. Whenever she made the statement that “you never miss your water until your well runs dry” it was always related to people who had treated people badly and one day during hard times would discover there was no one around to help them.

She understood what it meant to “treat everybody right, because you don’t know who is going to give you your last glass of water.” After giving birth to me and my twin sister, she became ill. During the period of illness a wino named Lodella would visit Mom daily to perform chores such as sweeping, mopping and going to the store. To Mom this act of kindness was similar to being given her last glass of water. Throughout her life she always seemed to have numerous people similar to Lodella who would volunteer to perform an act of kindness on her behalf -whether it was escorting the kids to the sitter because she was running late for work or simply watching the house while she stepped out to visit a neighbor.

Today the water is flowing evenly throughout the house. The water pump is operating consistently. Even so, Mom’s lesson continues to remind me that it is not important whether I have water or not. What is important is whether I have a friend who will eagerly offer me a cool glass of water in my time of need.

A co-worker was surprised to hear that my mother has been dead for several years. He stated that I always talked about her as if she was alive. I stated that she is more alive now than she’s ever been. Her legacy or proverbs continue guiding me.


Antonio Booth
© 1993